My Weakness

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We all have our weaknesses.  We all struggle with something.  No one is perfect.  I’m not perfect.  I’d say that my biggest struggle deals with food allergies.  We eat several times throughout the day.  We shop weekly for food.  We “socialize” with food through holidays, potlucks, celebrations, birthdays and community events.  We are surrounded with food!

I praise God for His answers of my health problems.  I praise Him because I know He guided me to the allergy specialist who gave me my food answers.  I praise Him for my family, especially my parents, who doubted my food-related problems.  If my parents would have never doubted me, I would have never pursued medical help to prove myself right.  If I would have never went to an allergy specialist, I would have never discover that I am not gluten intolerant (wheat, rye, barley).  I would never discover that I am actually allergic to wheat, rye, eggs, codfish, and sulfites.  I praise God, because He lead me to the answers.  Because of HIM, I feel amazing.

Now, I praise our Lord for His answers.  I happily live as a stay-at-home-mother.  He has lead me to live a very content life in my home.  My husband is very supportive to me.  I am very blessed to have this amazing man as my husband.  He has seen my life-threatening reactions.  He has seen me being physically weak when I’ve exposed to those foods.  My husband makes me feel very at peace.  So, I feel very much content inside of my home.

However, when I leave my home is when I struggle.  I struggle emotionally and mentally when we “socialize” with food.  Before we show up at someone’s home, I worry.  I worryabout the food they serve.  I worry if I could or could not eat the food.  I worry that they cooked something especially for me, because I hate being the reason they choose of what to cook.  And when they do cook with certain safe foods, I worry that they may have messed up their cooking.  (Which as happened before!  Someone made me wheat-free stuffing with gluten-free bread during Thanksgiving, and they added chicken broth to it, which had wheat in it!  I’ve been served wheat/rye-free soup, loaded with sulfites.  I’ve been served wheat/rye-free bread loaded with eggs!) Many gluten free (wheat/rye-free) gifts are usually loaded with sulfites, which makes me feel guilty because I still should not consume the product. So you can see why I can get worried easily!  I can worry so heavily that by body gets attacked with anxiety.

Okay, so let’s say that the socializing event went very well.  Then, I struggle emotionally and mentally when we leave.  I worry of what other people think.  I worry that they look down at me because I don’t eat normal (or their normal).  I worry that they also think that my food restriction is “all in my head” as my parents used to before my diagnosis.  I feel guiltybecause I may not have eaten the food they made.  If they did make food for me, I feel very selfish, because they made food just for me.  And I worry because no one truly understands me.  Can you see that it takes over me mind?

I have realized that I do not turn to God before, during, or after the social events. Myworrying is very worthless.  Staying away from those foods helps me to be a better wife and a better mother, physically.  But my worrying is not beneficial to my husband or my son.  I do not give my worries to God.  I do not pray for His guidance for my emotional and mental issues.  I do not apply His words in my life when my food-allergy anxiety takes over my body.  I know I NEED HIM, but I put my own methods in practice.  And obviously my method does not work.

I do realize that the food allergies are not the main problem.  My main problem is that I want to seem perfect.  I want to eat their foods to please them.  I love pleasing others, but I want to please others, in hopes to feel being loved and accepted.  And somehow I assume that I can only be loved by being perfect.  This isn’t only with food.  I make my home super clean before my dad (or close friends) visit me.  I want to get my father’s approval and love because my house is perfectly clean.  And I love decorating my home!  But I can spend hours beyond hours, trying to think of ways to make our home look as perfect as possible.  You may have read about my history of anorexia.  Well, I wanted to look perfect and feel accepted.  When it comes to the food allergies, I have kept my allergies a secret before because I feared that my allergies prevented me to seem perfect!  (I’ve even caught myself being worried that you, as a reader, will think my writing is not perfect enough, or I worry that the you may think that I write . . . write . . . and write too much!) I want to look perfect to everyone!  But we all know that no one is perfect.  My mind simply whirls through a tornado with wasteful thoughts.  A recent sermon was speaking directly to me and I praise God for that!  Here are the verses shared in the message. I know I must turn to HIM before, during, and after future socialized events!

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Romans 8:18
18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.

Hebrews 4:16
16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

2 thoughts on “My Weakness

  1. I wanted to tell you that your site has been my “go-to” for a while. Thank you so much for all the excellent information…Everything I have tried that you have recommended works well with my sulfite sensitivity. The Pomi strained tomatoes are an answer to prayer. SOOOOO good!! Whole milk! Full Fat Dannon Plain! You have added good things to my diet!!

    AND i just read your post…I can relate…Social events are hard but like you they are getting easier for me because IT IS the right thing to do to take care of yourself. Like you I also have a supportive husband that is behind me 100%, I eat beforehand now or bring something I can eat. I also try not to talk about it except with close friends and family. There are so many things that I “can’t” eat (and really won’t because I don’t want the side effects) that it is tiresome to talk about it. Food is not that important to me…Fellowship with my family in Him is, so that is where I focus. It has helped with the guilt.

    “I praise God, because He lead me to the answers. Because of HIM, I feel amazing.” Yes and amen!

    Now, I praise our Lord for His answers. I happily live as a stay-at-home-mother. He has lead me to live a very content life in my home. My husband is very supportive to me. I am very blessed to have this amazing man as my husband. He has seen my life-threatening reactions. He has seen me being physically weak when I’ve exposed to those foods. My husband makes me feel very at peace. So, I feel very much content inside of my home.” Amen! That is wonderful! Again…thank you!

    God is good!

    In Him
    Yahispeace

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow Yahispeace! First, sorry for my late response! My life has turn even more busy with my 3rd child being born 2 months ago! Anyways, I’m sooo pleased that my website has helped you! And GOooo POMI !!!!!! Woohoo! I don’t know what I’d do without it either! 🙂 Now, wouldn’t be nice if you and I could meet sometime for lunch? hahaha! 🙂 And sooo happy you have a supportive husband! Let me know if you haven’t any questions (or just need to vent!), and I’m there for ya!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s